I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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