found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
A+ Viking dick
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
