Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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