I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
