i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
