He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
