Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
