Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
