I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
