Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
