I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
