JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
