Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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