This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
