my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
