return my video game
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Randomize
