I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
