Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
