Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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