I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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