So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize