I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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