Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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