He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
