i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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