So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
