big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
