you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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