I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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