So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
