I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
