so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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