i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
