is your mom at the bar?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
