Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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