I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
