if you like me you must not know who I am
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
