My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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