I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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