After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We named our party play list daddy issues
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
