The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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