ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So squirting runs in the family.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
