I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
