A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
