It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
