Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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