just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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