We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
