You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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