so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
