Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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