Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
