i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Randomize
