Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
