come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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