At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
