my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My balls are so social today.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
