Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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