Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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