Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
