either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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