Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
