you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
