I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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